Thoughts on Gleaving

 

I think I just created a new word (ok someone’s probably already thought of it, but it’s new to me), it’s the combination of going and leaving.  I was trying to figure out which one sounded more fitting for our situation and I just couldn’t decide, so tada… we are gleaving!
Our set date to become full timer’s  is the last day of September, whatever day that is. I’m so good with specifics I really don’t even know what day of the week that is! We had our 4th and last yard sale this past weekend, it went pretty darn good.  People bought my half used shampoo’s, but no one wanted a perfectly functioning 3 way tall lamp for $10! So odd are the habits of yard sale goers. In regards to that glow in the dark nail polish, I kept it, just might be fun in the future( thank you Kathy Jo for teaching me that there is always room for renegotiation, and I can change mind if I want).  I’m hoping to make more time for fun in our future. I have so many hopes for our future, ok and some worries.  Where to begin… Lets start with the question of, “are you getting excited since it’s close to you leaving?” And I answer, “well, you’d think I would be huh?”  Then I take the next few minutes to ponder why aren’t I? As I write this and put some thought into it, I believe the neurotic and the dreamer in me are at such odds I am bombarded with chaos of the mind.
Our 4 yard sale pile, and a  visual of how my mind feels about now.

Just a visual of how my thoughts may look; and our 4th yard sale pile

Just a little example of such is that I can’t stand to have one shoe lace tighter than the other, but then I just jump into things with great faith and no trepidation. Ever since I can remember, when I’ve decided to do something, I do it, right then, no waiting, not much planning, just go. It was that way when I decided to join the Air Force,  get a job I always wanted or to cut my long hair super short. Whatever felt right in my heart, I’d  just follow that light.  With this adventure , it’s taking a lot more time, work, energy, money and stress than I could have imagined! Now don’t get me wrong, I know in my heart that this is to be our path and I will relish it once we get going, but ugh, can someone stop the constant noise in my head! Random stuff, the what if’s, safety, traffic, people, unknown everything, I mean its exciting but scary! Then of course when I think such things, some random song will come into my head like, ” please don’t stop the music, music, I want to take you away” and then all the sudden i hear TLO (the loud one) across the street yelling  obscenities and Gwen Stefani’s  Sweet Escape song will pop into my head and we just can’t get out of here fast enough.   Seconds later I go into thinking about tires, generators, boondocking, where to find places, how will it work, propane and potential fires, can papa get up the steps, how will the dogs do, what about washing my hands,I do that like 25 times a day! Seriously, it’s exhausting.
Looks like Charlie is in deep thought as well

Looks like Charlie’s in deep thought as well

 I am just not good with the time between deciding to make a life change and it actually happening. Too much time to second guess, over think, over analyze, freak out, worry and wonder. So I say to myself, true failure can only occur if you don’t try. Com’on self, pull up those boot straps, stop being a worry wart, and do all you can to live this life to the fullest!  You are pursuing a dream, so many don’t have such an opportunity; put your self involved ways into perspective and check yourself!  So as I sign off, I take my love’s hand, with papa and the dogs by our side, and we head towards this big dream while singing the song we all know and love, ” whoa whoa We’re halfway there, livin on a prayer, take my hand and we’ll make it I swear!” It’s awesome hows songs can help move a person out of their own way, and re-ignite those flames of ones true desires.

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