Bad News Blues

Through my life, when I’m about to get bad news, like really bad, life and death bad news, I find myself calm. All other times, when it turns out to be nothing, I’m a nervous wreck before knowing the truth. I believe the good Lord knows when it’s real, I need Him to help me deal. Almost as if I can feel Him holding me tight with His love, keeping my soul at peace. Today I’m calm as I sit here in the vet clinic waiting for the doctor. I think to myself, “why are you so calm? Oh no, I’m not panicking! Crap, it must be something serious if you’re this calm. Maybe if I start to worry and let my mind begin racing like usual it’ll turn out to be nothing.” So silly to think I can control an outcome based on how I’m feeling. But then again who doesn’t think crazy thoughts when facing reality..

It’s Milo, he has white gums, lethargic, occasional thin and dark poo…and just not himself. We’d noticed something was off a couple weeks ago when he started licking this brick in the house, so I looked it up and read that it could be a diet deficiency or anemia, which results from serious illnesses. Today, when I was checking his teeth and saw how pale his gums were, we went straight to the vet.

The doctor just came in with the lab results, I can see it in her eyes as she comes to sit next to me. She tells me about the test results, that his red blood cells are low (anemia) and his liver numbers are off too… she’s pretty sure it’s cancer, more than likely colon cancer. After talking with the family we all agree, as long as he isn’t in pain, we’ll wait for him to tell us when he’s ready. So for now we will hold him long and lots, and give him extra treats and yummy sweets (that are ok for dogs of course).

We’ve had 11 love filled years with him, so many memories and now we’ll do our best to ensure the rest of his time is about quality of life and comfort. Milo’s birthday is March 4th, I’m going to look into making him some pupcakes!

To have love in our lives is to know there will be loss. I am grateful for all the love, will cherish it and and know the loss isn’t forever.

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