Goin' Road Trippin'

Years ago I made a friend when I really needed one, but we weren’t meant to remain friends for the long haul. Looking back with a healthy perspective I see she came into my life to teach me a lesson and to help guide me at a time when I felt lost.  We were alike in many ways at the time, always with good intentions, yet occasionally coming across as pushy instead of helpful. Sometimes too needy, expecting more from someone than they were willing to give.  I can see my 20 something self swirling in a coldren of emotions, lost in a world of self created solitude. I was stuck between the free spirited person I once knew and the authenitc self I would become, but at the time I felt like a shell of a woman grasping for meaning and purpose. I’m so glad I’m not in my 20’s anymore, talk about emotional growing pains!

The lesson she taught me was this… Sometimes in life it’s not about doing what you want, it’s about doing what’s right for someone else.  I lived at Edwards AFB, California at the time, (the twilight zone of my life expereinces)  and my parents lived in Oklahoma.  I was on the phone with this friend when I was talking about how I didn’t want to travel all the way to Oklahoma for Christmas, but with my mom’s cancer back that year it could be her last.  Without hesitation she said to me, “it’s not about what you want, it’s about what’s right.”  She flipped a switch in my heart and set me straight.  I went, it was wonderful and it was my mom’s last Christmas on earth. Thankfully she gave me that clarity, and showed me the error of my ways.  I still think of her often, beyond grateful for her guidance and love, I hope she is nothing but happy.

Doing what’s right for the sake of another isn’t always what we might want for ourselves, but in those situations it’s not about us, it’s about them.  Case in point our little Happy dog. When Mitch brought him home we had such good intentions, helping him to overcome his past and keeping him forever.

He needed more from us that we could give, from the beginning he would nip at me if I tried to trim his feet or remove a knot from his belly.  He also developed what is called trick knee that wasn’t getting better with medicine, and probably needed surgery. He needed a home where his people had time to work with him and for those around him to know and remember that he’s had a rough past and required more attention and work.

Not an enviroment we could provide for him with our current living situation.

Thankfully I know someone who knows all about the world of animal rescue.  After my 5th text to her in a few months time frame she said, “Shawna, take him to the Humane Society, he’ll get all the care he needs and he will find a home that fits his needs, it’s the right thing to do.”

Putting the needs of Happy and the safety of family first, we made an appt and took Happy to the Humane Society. Just a few days after he’d been there trying another medicine that didn’t work for him, my friend updated me that they gave him the surgery he needed and he would soon be available for adoptions.  Not even a week later he was on the news and days after that he got adopted! It all worked out for the best. I hope and pray that whoever was lucky enough to adopt him knows what a gem that boy is.

Happy reminded me that sometimes friendships aren’t supposed to last forever, even though love will.

We love you Happy.

Thanks to the movies, all the advertisements and just the overall essence of something magical happening during Christmas and New Year’s Eve, my realities have fallen short of my expectations… which I assume most peoples have. But there was one Christmas when I was a child, probably around the age of 8 that I’ll never forget because I knew there would be no magic.

We lived on the cut off between DeBeque and Mesa, Colorado a mile and half back from the road on 80 acres in a house that my parents built. Oh, and yes, I did have to walk miles in the snow to get to school, once.  We had a two-seater outhouse, no running water, no electricity and definitely no money.

It was going to be a year without Santa, but my mom kept our spirits bright, decorating the tree from top to bottom with so much tinsel you couldn’t see any of the tree. She would always help to put life in perspective, saying “It could be worse, there are people who don’t have a place to call home.”

Knowing we wouldn’t have anything that year gave me a sense of relief. There was no potential for disappointment as the years past. Previously I’d asked Santa for the Ms. Pac-Man table top arcade two years in a row, finally to get it and feeling for a second Santa really was real I was beside myself with joy. Then sadly finding myself underwhelmed with it in a days time, I couldn’t believe I wanted it for so long just to have something that only the “lucky” kids got. I felt a different kind of disappointment, reality.  My ideals of fulfillment I’d get from this one toy became replaced with a sense of guilt for wanting an object to be the source of my joy.  I’d built it up for so long, gave it a power over my happiness and then to be so displeased with the reality, made me not want for things as I once did. You could say that was a gift in itself! Ok, I digress.

I was eight, living out on the cut off, it was Christmas Eve and we’d gone to town to load up our old 500 gallon metal water tank that was always in the back of our truck.  Driving down the little hill to get to the house I stare out the window into the sea of glistening sage brush and silence.  With the house in sight, something unfamiliar appeared, a large brown box sitting on our front door step. I think my mom was out the door and on the porch before the truck even came to stop. She squealed with delight realizing it was food, clothes and most of all the true meaning of Christmas; to give without wanting and to receive with gratitude!

Laying on the top of everything were the most beautiful white lace up REAL roller skates, and they were meant for me! Realizing they were used, I was in awe that anyone would give away something so nice to a stranger.  I said so long to the strap on metal skates, and hello to rollin in style!  For a few years I stuffed socks in the front of toes so they’d fit until I grew into them, years later when I finally outgrew them, I never outgrew the feeling of appreciation every time I saw them. Now that is the magic of Christmas!

I’m happy to share that the magic of Christmas is still out there. This Christmas we were given two 1 hour massage gift cards left between the screen and our front door with a written note on the card saying, “you need to take care of yourself too, please enjoy this gift from us.”   We know who, but that fact that they did and they don’t know us very well…. we’re beyond grateful. Such a wonderful surprise! It’s something we both really needed and wouldn’t have gotten for ourselves.  I squealed with delight! We don’t even have their phone numbers! I  cant wait to catch them in passing to give them both the biggest hugs and make sure they know how much we appreciate their kindness.

The other wonderful news to share is that I’ve become an Independent Provider and the official caretaker of my dad.  With that being said I am now obligated to protect his privacy as I am contracted with the Department of Social and Health Services. Although it is realized about the personal nature of our relationship, I’m still held to the same standard as all of the contracted providers so no more photos or stories shall be shared.  Hopefully you’ll still find my posts interesting and worthy of reading.  Thanks for understanding.

So now we are days from a new year and I go into it with no expectations, not even of the kiss at midnight… mainly because we’ll probably already be asleep, ha.  But I know that with the promise of tomorrow there will also be love, and I have faith that without expectations, yet full of hope, my cup runneth over.

May the New Year be your best yet,

and you be your best you!