When I see a Monarch butterfly it makes me think of my mom, when Mitch see’s a hummingbird it reminds him of his dad.
I believe most people have something in the wild that remind them of a loved one that’s passed. I asked Mitch the other day what he would want to remind me of him, if he were to die before me and he gave me the silliest answer, an earwig! I told him that just wouldn’t work for me, they are icky and they have pinchers (plus they’re always in pops place and I end up killing them)! I needed him to pick something else, I mean how about an eagle or a fox? Nope, after a couple more odd choices he picked one that I could manage, a rollie pollie, (or as he calls them, a potato bug) makes me smile just thinking of his choice! When did we have this deep conversation you ask? It was when we were driving up to Clark Fork RiverSaturday July 30th on our way in Harvy the RV to go kayaking….alone, just the two of us!
Life is a highway (remember that song) and Mitch is usually the one driving
We are beyond blessed to have a wonderful friend couple, Mike and Karen, VOLUNTEER their time to watch pops and the dogs for a night while we took a much-needed break. Karen is one of the three gals that cares for dad during those times when we aren’t able to work out our schedules for one of us to be with him and she’s been so great with him.
Near Hope Idaho
But for both of them to give of their time and most of their weekend to help us out and not want anything in return, we are forever indebted to them. Not just for that weekend, but for all the times they’ve been there for us! Good quality people and great friends, one of life’s greatest treasures.
What to do when your home-made kayak rack doesn’t work yet?…Improvise!
When we made it to the boat launch at Clark Fork River we cased out the area and saw people camping. We roamed around reading all the signs, checking to see if we needed to pay, but all it said was 3 day max for camping…. really, could it be free?! We found one area tucked the back, surrounded by trees with a fire pit right in the center. We were so excited that we could camp right in the same vicinity of the boat launch, but first we opted to look a little further. As we walked towards the water directly in our line of sight was an open spot next to two other campers with a little fire pit, literally right on the side of the water and Harvy would fit perfectly! I stayed right where I was, calling dibs on that prime real-estate so no one else could lay claim while Mitch went and got Harvy.
Mitch pulled up and parked Harvy
We unloaded the kayaks
And in 15 minutes we were on the water! There’s Harvy, and our friendly camping neighbors to the left (even offered us their remaining wood)Look Ma, no handsWe saw both Hawks and Eagles while kayakingFrom the sound it made, we were almost certain it was a HawkThe water was so serene and calm, until we ventured out into Lake Pend Oreille. There were white caps on the lake that day, so we turned around and headed back to our campsite.But not before we saw a pretty daisy growing out of the water
Our night away was so refreshing we topped the night off with some dollar store games. We started with domino’s, followed by rummy and capped the night off with the memory match game! Honestly it couldn’t have been better, just to breathe, catch up and have some quality time together. The next morning we opted to kayak up the river, going right of our campsite since the night before we’d gone left. Believe it or not it was more serene and secluded than the other way!
Can you feel the peace and tranquility?
We’ve been on the water a few times now and neither of us had fallen in, until now. It was morning time and we were ready to go adventure before heading home. Feeling confident and certain of myself I decide to get in my own way, I mean it’s been so easy straddling and sitting so far, why not just put my foot in and get in right? Nope, the kayak tipped and half of me was in water before I knew it, oops. So I did what anyone who doesn’t learn the first time does, I did the exact same thing AGAIN and this time I took a real fall in the water, the kayak flipped over and I was submerged up to my neck. Couldn’t tell you why I just didn’t keep doing what I had been doing, but during the first fall I hit my thumbnail on the kayak and it ripped a corner of the nail from the nail bed and it was bleeding.
See the white lines, that’s where the nail pulled away from the nail bed. Ouch
After that I really wasn’t thinking straight and was more determined to get in my way and was trying to not notice the pain. Which of course made matters worse, and more comical. Mitch being super concerned and wonderfully loving about my double dipping had a great laugh with me about it after I finally got in. He just wished he’d caught it on camera.
there’s something about going under a bridge, it’s just neat
We hadn’t named our kayaks yet and it was right around this area when we were talking about getting decals so we could tell them apart, since they’re the same boat. I was giving Mitch a hard time and told him we should call his Rollie Pollie and mine Tadpole. Funny enough, we loved it, sealed it with a kiss and kept on paddling.
After going under this bridge it takes you toward to lake and right away it’s choppyWe fall more in love with kayaking the more we do it. It’s just so peaceful and the fact that we are two love birds floating on the water, it’s just ducky!Flower powerupclose it looks like a cherry blossom treeHeading back to pack up feeling replenished and refreshed
It’s only while I was writing this post did it dawn on me that another name for Tadpole is Pollywog. Those two names are just fun to say together, Pollywog and Rollie Pollie but in the end we named it The Tadpole. It just fits, like me and my love!
I would like to first catch you up on the progression of my dad’s dementia. When I first heard the word dementia I thought, ok, so they forget things and forget how things work, the end. There is so much more involved with them forgetting. No, really, SOO much more! We used to just be able to verbally direct my dad to the bathroom and from there it was all good. Our first realization that it was no longer “all good” was a couple months ago. I’d gone into the bathroom, thinking nothing of nothing and then I reached for the toilet paper…. it was soaked with pee. Yep, he thought that was the toilet and from then on we’ve had to keep on eye on him constantly, and It’s progressively gotten worse.
Just wait till I wake up, I’ll keep you on your toes… or maybe pee on them!
The second time it happened was when we returned home from camping at Noisy Creek. We stopped at the grocery store to pick up some things for dinner and when I hopped into the front seat I hear this splattering sound, like something liquid was being poured into metal behind my seat in Harvey the RV. Yep, there was dad, peeing in the empty metal dog dish, splattering all over, unaware of anything. Thankfully most of it ended up in the dish. Since then, it’s been peeville, pee patrol and for pee’s sake. Thankfully he still knows when he has to go, but no place is safe. He’s lifted the seat cushion of his chair (thinking it’s the toilet lid) and pee’d all over it before I could run in to redirect him. He’s went in the trash, in the middle of the floor, in front of the sink and a few times he’s almost went on his end table and tv tray. Thankfully we don’t have carpet anywhere! There’s no point in ever getting bothered about it, it’s just part of the disease. Since no place is safe we have everything covered in his room, so his place is pee proofed, (at least it wont soak into anything again) and when he comes over to the house we make sure he’s not left alone for a second, cuz that’s all it takes!
You’re not the only one pooped pops, would you nap for us to0?
Mitch even got extra camera’s set up around Pops place to really keep an eye on him. They have motion sensor’s on them so they beep when they sense movement. We’ve gotten trained like pavlov’s dog to respond when we hear that bleep, bleep, bleep. It’s 20 steps to make it into his place, and 9 times out of 10 we can redirect him to the bathroom in time, thankfully!
Yep, he’s reloading
The newest thing is him spitting on the floor, where ever he is, what ever it is.. snot, flem, his pills, water, and anything in his mouth at the time, it will be on the floor right in front of him or on his plate. He’ll even take a drink of his coffee, swish it around in his mouth and spit it out, just cuz. That is this disease! Recently we’ve noticed that he will hold liquid in his mouth and not swallow for quite a while (we think he forgets he even has it in his mouth). It’s called dysphagia, and unfortunately this also comes with the territory.
wait papa, don’t spit it out!
From what I’ve learned they will even forget how to swallow, how to chew, how to speak. It’s not ok, I can’t just watch this happen, we’ve got to try everything we can. We tried a couple different kinds of medications on him. One to slow the progression, it was awful. He could barely walk, vomiting, sleeping half the day and a zombie the other half of the day. We stopped giving it to him after the first night. Another drug was to help him relax, not get so aggitated and to sleep through the night. Talk about sleep, they said to give him half a pill, so we did that first night and he fell asleep with a fork in his hand and cake on his plate, then he was still up half the night, bouncing off the walls. We thought maybe it was just too strong so we gave him 1/4 of a pill and that seemed to slightly help him but still he was having such difficulty walking and focusing and sleeping. During this time he stopped laughing at things, he wasn’t even able to finish the words of songs that he knew. These signs seems to say that soon we would need to start feeding him. After talking with his doctor about my concerns and hopes to get him off that medicine he said I could stop giving them to him immediatiely. There was a difference in his disposition as soon as it was out of his system. Drugs were doing more harm than good, so I opted to see what is out there in the world that is natural. I was shocked to find out about the great success people are having with natural products and I was honestly quite annoyed that it’s not common knowledge that these things really can help. I wish I’d known sooner!
Studies have shown that you’ve got to be your own advocate,
do the research and seek the truth,
especially if it’s something that nature already provides!
Pops getting some vitiman D
One really good thing from all of this is that he has totally forgotten that he smokes. On occasion he’ll ask where his lighter is and then forget that’s what he was looking for and rarely does he mention cigarettes. When he does want a smoke we give him the electronic one, he’ll take one puff and be done or he ends up playing with it for 20 minutes taking it apart and putting it back together just to hand it back to us completely disinterested.
Going nuts for coconut oil….
Seriously, I think that coconut oil and turmeric is helping my dad and his dementia!
Anyone and everyone, please hear me when I say…………………….
COCONUT OIL AND TUMERIC MAY HELP SOME PEOPLE WITH DEMENTIA!
do some googling, watch video’s and read all about the best kind and what people are doing for their loved ones. I’m not giving any medical advice, I’m just a daughter trying to bring back her father. That being said, it’s only been a couple weeks, but for everyone who knows anyone that is affected by this awefulness of dementia what’s the harm in learning more about it and giving it a try?
I’ll list a few of the changes we’ve (including caregivers) noticed:
he’s laughing again at things on TV.
he stopped saying he doesn’t care (as that’s been his latest saying for the last couple weeks).
he’ll still ask what’s happening, and ask the good Lord to help him, but it’s not for hours on end.
He calls the dogs by their names again.
He has an interest in things again, so much so he put some almonds in the sink and clogged up the drain. This may seem trivial but before that he had no interest in anything!
He has been more alert than he’s been in months!!
He sleeps better at night.
He’s even joking around like he used to.
When I start a song now, he’ll finish the line! I’ll sing ” Tie a yellow ribbon” and he’ll say “round the old oak tree” or I’ll say, “A bushel and a peck” and he’ll say, “and a hug around the neck”. I just can’t express the joy it brings me to have him doing this again.
Intially I bought everything in pill form, thinking it would be the best and the easiest to monitor his intake. After reading and learning more, I am now using the real deal of each.
We are using Nutiva Organic Virgin Coconut oil right now, but love Island Fresh Superior Organic Coconut Oil from Amazon and already went through one container and ran out. It doesn’t have a strong smell and is a great price for the value!
virgin cold pressed, not refined, deodorized or bleached. (make sure you read those labels, found a couple brands that looked like they were exactly the same, until I came across one little word that means lots,… refined) I give him
Coconut oil-two tablespoons in the morning and plan to work him up to two at night.
Turmeric-1 teaspoon in the morning
They say not to heat the oil in the microwave as it removes nutrients, thankfully it melts easily so I just put it in a little glass then dunk the glass in some hot water, it melts within a couple minutes.
melting the coconut oil and turmeric in a little glass sitting inside a cup of hot water
The other morning for the first time I gave it to dad to drink, along with the teaspoon of Tumeric.
Doesn’t that look delicious!
Initially I tried to put it in his oatmeal, he ate it the first day, the next day he hardly ate any. I put it in his coffee, he drank less than half a cup. Finally I decided the best way to make sure he gets all the goodness is just give it to him straight. I thought he would be grossed out by the taste, so I took a video of his first time drinking it. When I asked him what he thought, I meant the taste of the mixture but he thought I meant did he think it was working already, so cute.
Two days after having him drink it straight, it went straight through him…. literally! Always best to ease them up to 4 tbsp. and mix with food…. or it might just hit the fan, (or the chair) if you know what I mean. My bad, I was overly excited to get it started in his system! Sorry poops, I mean Pops!
As of now, I put the turmeric in the pancake batter, and melt the coconut oil in with his syrup and that has been the best process so far. And in the evening, I plan to put it in a yummy little shake for him (after his body gets used to the 2 tbsp).
You’re doing what to my breakfast?
He is by no means cured, but his disposition is better, his quality of life is better and that’s what really matters at this point.
We’d planned to stay a couple of days, but after a long restless night, one day was plenty!We still had enough time to soak in the sightsmade plans to kayak on this lake another timeSaw the creek that gave the campground its nameEnjoyed the amazing beauty that surrounded usfeeling mesmerized by it’s never ending charmBlew bubbles and wittled sticksperplexed about what kind of bug this was, and enjoying that fact that we couldn’t look it up on our phones!got some good laughs and made some special memories.We stayed at site #4, very spacious and somewhat secludedPops did some off road adventuringI gazed at the clouds passing over the treesMitch make fire! He man of tribe!campfire prettyEnjoyed hot dogs and bbq potato chipsAs night came upon us, the man with a flower in his cap was ready to go home… and the night had just begun!Reminiscing about stories of the pastBeing up almost every hour during the night with pops made it seem as if we’d been camping for days.We were all ready to start loading, just a couple more pictures to capture the experienceHeading homeOver the red bridge we goA day of daisy’s and dillydally’n we will do for now, see you again soon
Letting go of a loved one is something you can never really be ready for. My mom left this world in 2003 after a long battle with cancer, yet the day death came I wasn’t prepared. The humid Oklahoma air hung heavier than usual and my heart ached as I sat next to my mom’s bedside holding onto her hand for dear life, knowing that soon she would be gone. I tried to memorize her face, the softness of her hands and the smell of her lavender lotion. My Aunt, holding my mom’s other hand said through sorrowful tears “Jackie, it’s ok, we love you and you can let go now.” I couldn’t say it, I didn’t want her to go, she was my mom! In my heart I begged her not go, I remained silent, but inside I screamed and cried for my mom to stay with me. I never really knew the comfort her love provided me until her last breath and she was no more of this world. I’ve felt bad for not saying it was ok to go, but for all my life she never knew how much I needed her. I’d like to think that me being honest and somewhat selfish at the end, made her spirit soar to heaven feeling beyond loved and forever needed.
It’s been almost 13 years and still when I think of that day, I feel all those feelings as if it just happened. I want to be more benevolent in dealing with my dad’s disease, especially seeing him struggle so hard at this stage.
Hours on end he’ll try to figure out what is going on with his mind,but he no longer remembers what’s causing these problems and doesn’t realize that he’s saying the same things over and over. During these challenging times he’ll say, “Oh Lord, help me please! What is happening? Oh, Lord, please, help me. What am I doing? Please, someone help me, what is happening. I don’t understand. Lord please, HELP ME!”
Even the doctor ran tests because he was so not himself last time we went to the VA, but all the tests came back fine.
We try to distract him, we’ll explain that it’s the dementia, we’ll tell him how sorry we are that it’s happening and it’ll stay with him for seconds and then he forgets what we just told him and he’s back to that horrible feeling that he’s loosing his mind….because he is. Sometimes distractions work and he’ll relax and enjoy the moment, but other times he wont let it go and we just tell him he’s asking the right guy.
Sometimes if he naps it helps to relax him and he’ll have a better day afterwards.
I’ve heard people say, dementia is a difficult disease but to see a loved one, day in and day out struggle so hard trying to figure out what is happening, is a whole other beast of burden. A couple of weeks ago dad was going through a particularly rough time, unable make eye contact, he was pleading in desperation for help to understand what was happening, engulfed in his own world of dispare there was no connecting with him. Heart broken and feeling helpless I said the one thing I would never want to happen. Sitting on a little stool next to him in his chair I said “Dad, I’m okay if you need to go to the next stage of this disease and forget that I’m you daughter, if it helps you to not feel lost anymore.” After I said it out loud I began crying so hard my shoulders were doing the up and down shake as I gasped for air, my face drenched in tears and red splotches I let all my sadness out. I was mourning the loss of my dad as I’ve always known him to be and trying to make myself accept how things are now. To my astonishment he stops repeating his cycle of words, turns and looks directly at me with sympathy and attentiveness and says, “What’s wrong baby girl?” He placed one hand on the top of my head and ran it over my hair down to the side of my cheek and then cuped my face with both hands. So beyond grateful for this moment, I desprately tried to utter my feelings as my sobbing is now uncontrollable. Through gasps, I say, “I just miss you already, this sucks! I’m so sorry this is happening. I love you! Thank you for being here with me in this moment. I needed you, and you came back to me! I love you.” He pulls my head to him, gives me a huge love hug and says, “It’ll all work out baby girl, it’s ok. I love you.” Seconds later he was back to trying to figure out what was happening, but I had just experience the true endurance of love, a precious gift of a moment in time that will give me everlasting joy and help me get through the tough times to come.